Lawrence KilliumWe all dread what this man went through, but he handled it in a way that’s going viral.
Basically, he found out his wife is cheating on him. It’s a horrible situation that some of us are all too familiar with, but this bitch had the nerve to do it on freaking Valentines Day.
After he found out, he wrote this note:
To the man who’s going at it with my wife. I know about everything, don’t be surprised. And just to clarify, I’m not mad about it. But I do need you to do some things for me. Well, if you’re getting my wife, I need my own things proper.
1.I plead you to stop keeping the toilet seat up. I constantly get the blame for it. It’s starting to get annoying now.
2.I’m starting to get more fishing trips now, thanks to you. But would you please just stop drinking up all the beer? I’m okay if you drink a few when you visit. Hey, I know the feeling, it takes me a few drinks to make her look attractive to me. But do realize, I’m going to be home longer than you are, so keep some beer for me.
3.And if you end up drinking all of them, please have the decency to get me a refill or leave some money for me to buy it.
4.If you’re using up the entire roll of toilet paper, do me a favor and just replace it with a new one. My 5-year-old child tends to ignore cleaning up when he sees an empty roll.
5.Find something that can be thrown away, to clean up after doing the deed with the lady. I do all my laundry myself because I do it better. I don’t have the interest or time to clean up residue on my clothes that didn’t come from me.
6.Remember, my kids aren’t dumb. So, stop telling them you’re their uncle,please? They know better.
7.Don’t turn the heat up. It’s my house, I pay for the electricity and the company is taking my case.
8.Just deny it if she asks you whether those pants make her look extra fat. You think saying she does look fat will stop her from eating tubs of ice cream each day, but say no so that she ends up buying more pants that make her look just as fat.
9.Stay away from the cakes and cookies. Those brownies you gulped down were baked by my mom. My wife can’t even cook half as good so just spare me the good stuff.
10.Can you try sitting like a normal person on my recliner? I don’t have too much time to relax on it as I do pretty much everything around the house (because my wife is too busy with you), but when I do, I feel a dent that makes me roll towards the left. It’s annoying.
Last but not the least, thanks a ton for taking my wife on a lunch-date to that fancy restaurant on Valentines Day. She had no space left in her tummy to make room for dinner when she went with me. It saved a lot of my money which let me take my kids to the new animated movie.
I am hopeful that you’ll be a good guy and go by these terms. It would just get plain awkward if I charge my wife with adultery. Do these for me and I’ll make sure to give you a prior notice about when and for how long I’ll be away from home.
Also note: I will be taking my kids camping next week for 3 days. You’ll find some vodka at the back of the cabinet if you run out on beer. Have fun.
To be fair, I’d probably want to deal with him using a baseball bat instead of a note, but to each his own.
